I've been bitten by the pimple vampire.
Not one, but two massive eruptions are presently festering on my upper lip, less than an inch away from each other. Usually one would be minor -- a mere foothill on the cusp of Everest. But these are both monsters.
I know their kind. They'll never come to a head; they'll just throb and redden for another week or so and then turn hard, squat under my skin for a month, and finally start to recede with all the alacrity of a glacier. The marks will still be visible at Christmas.
I don't have this problem back home; Idaho's dry climate must be throwing my oil glands into panicked overdrive. Ingrates. Don't I bathe them twice daily in Olay's finest Oil-Free Facial Lotion? Don't I drink plenty of water, eat healthy food, and keep exfoliated and squeaky clean? Haven't I been good to you, skin?
What have I done to deserve this?